Finally, after years of reading other people’s words, I’m about to enter my own into the blogosphere, finally losing my blog virginity. Is what I have to say worth reading? That’s for you to decide. As for me, I’ll keep writing as long as I have something to say, or not!
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Death is always difficult, no matter how many times you may have witnessed it, and yesterday was no exception. It was yesterday that Grayman, a cat, had to be–put down, euthanized, put to sleep, killed–no matter what it’s called, the result is the same: death. At three years old, he was much too young to die but than, isn’t everyone? What age is it appropriate to die? For the person (or animal) experiencing it, no age is appropriate.
Having been in this situation with other pets, it should get easier but, no, it only gets harder. Perhaps because with each birthday that passes, I realize that death is becoming more and more a reality for me and those I love.
It’s in this pensive mood that I decided to find some meaning in Grayman’s death. Many would say,
“What’s the big deal? He’s just a cat”?
to which I respond, “What makes you so special”?
What is is about this particular cat that makes his death have such an impact on me? Was it his resemblence to the cats made famous by the artist Kliban? His confidence? His calm demeanor? His patience? His willingness to accept and return affection?
The answer is: all of the above. I realize that Grayman possessed attributes (minus the Kliban cat one) I have aspired to throughout my life but have yet to achieve. If we’re open to what life offers us, role models can be found everywhere, and he was mine. I’ve had the pleasure of sharing my life, and learning from him, for the past few years. Now, like any good teacher, it was time for him to move on which, in his case, involved a literal transition to the afterlife.
Was Grayman’s death God’s way of telling me it’s now time to put into practice what I’ve seen modeled so effortlessly by his feline emissary? Was Grayman an angel sent down in feline guise to assist me on my life’s path? A spirit guide? Or are these just the musings of someone trying to find meaning in death, a state often which can be perceived as devoid of meaning?
A Christian in training, I want to believe Grayman shared my life for a reason and that his death also has a purpose. Doing so makes me feel better about his passing, encouraging me to pursue growing in my faith and become a better person, a better Christian. However, I admit to moments of despair when I wonder if I’m on the right path.
Having read Eckhart Tolle, Wayne Dyer, Marianne Williamson and others in the new age pantheon, I admit to confusion. Do all roads lead to God? By following Christ, am I deluding myself? What about Buddhists? Muslims? Hindus? Sikhs? Atheists? Don’t they believe they’re following–or not–the one true religion.
Having been raised in a secular home, I don’t believe these questions will offend God, quite the contrary. I believe He understands my turmoil, and will provide me with answers as long as I’m open to hearing them, just as I’m open to learning about other beliefs, not only to understand others but to validate that by following Christ, I’ve made the right decision.
Yes, I know Grayman’s death most likely precipitated my queries into the meaning of life, death and the right road to eternal salvation. But then, isn’t that part of what it means to be human? To question life, and everything it entails, including its end and what comes after. Or am I just fixating too much on something I have no control over and no definitive answer to? Should I be focusing my attention on more pressing concerns like where to buy the cheapest gas (at $3.83/gallon, the word “cheap” is relative), what movie should go to the top of my Netflix queue, or what day would be the best day, weather wise, to wash my car?
Alas, it depends on my mood, and right now, my mood tells me it’s time to take a walk! Until next time, MEOW!
